Give people permission to judge you… because whether you do or don’t, they are going to do it anyway.
I know it’s easier said than done. When you are in the moment, when you are angry and resentful, it’s tough to let go and not let it bother you.
I was recently working with a client who was having a hard time letting go of a family member’s judgements about her parenting. He often criticizes her for the way she lives her life and she is able to brush off most of things, but the parenting issue is one that is particularly sensitive for her.
Being a parent is a big part of her identity right now, so naturally it’s extra sensitive. Can you relate to this?
Are there certain areas of your life that are tied intimately to your level of self-worth, which make you feel extra sensitive about doing them perfectly?
This is what I said to her:
It’s okay for him to judge you, it really doesn’t have to have any affect on you… it only does because this is such a sensitive area for you.
So when you heal that sensitivity, then you’ll be able to brush it off easily just like you can with the other things that he says that don’t bother you.
As you place a greater importance on yourself—your creativity, the things that YOU like to do that really make you feel good—and make space for them in your schedule, you will naturally become less upset by him or anyone else that comments on you because you are giving yourself other ways to feel your worthiness from the inside out.
This is why making yourself a priority and doing the things that really light you up from the inside is so important to your healing.
You will get to the place where these things don’t bother you anymore. You’re just still in that slightly fragile state where these new thoughts and ways of thinking are still solidifying so just keep going, keep practicing, and don’t get upset with yourself for feeling angry.
Let the anger happen and then talk yourself to a better feeling place, using all the reasons why you know this is really not that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things.
Deal with it in the moment by staying really general with your thoughts, meaning you see him through the eyes of someone other than you.
“He probably does mean well… I know that no one is perfect, I even judge people sometimes… I know that it really doesn’t matter what he thinks anyway… I can allow him to think whatever he wants to think… I can forgive him for directing his own self-judgement and disappointment with himself at me…”
Try to find a way to send him love, even as he is judging you. Not for him, but for the gift that this is for you (to be able to love him despite what he is saying).
Whenever someone is targeting you, and making you feel less than, take a deep breath and send them love. Seriously, it’s the fastest way to dissolve your own anger and feel secure in your greater knowing that whatever they think is only due to their own experiences in life and really has nothing to do with you.
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