I’ve mentioned before that your trainers and coaches are not perfect.

And I am very clear that the greatest gift I could ever give you, is to show you an example of what it looks like to give yourself permission to be “perfectly imperfect” using examples from my own life.

A lot of coaches don’t like to share real-time examples of struggles they are currently going through because they are afraid that it makes them look like they aren’t a good coach. Because, if you’re a good coach, then your life is puppy dogs and rainbows all of the time, right?

The truth is, that’s not the case. As a coach, and frankly as a person at any stage in your life, you will always have challenges. You just learn how to honor them more, release resistance faster, and work your way through them with more ease and grace.

So, with all that being said, I have a confession to make.

Straight up… calling myself out…

I’ve been a bit out of balance in my life recently.

Here’s why and what I’m doing about it.

You may or may not know this, but I went through a divorce last year. It was by choice from an 8-year marriage with literally my best friend. It was certainly a big life change.

In all honesty, I’m still going through quite a bit of releasing, forgiving, and growing (as you would expect). Present day, I am going through phase two of some more big life changes related to that. I’ll be sharing more about that soon.

In the past year and a half, my whole world has done a 180.

I’ve learned a ton about myself, gotten stronger and more sure of who I am and what I want, but along the way, there has also been a fair share of fear-based “what if I am not good enough, smart enough” type thoughts too.

On top of that, I’ve also started a long-distance relationship with a man that, on paper, is totally different than I ever would have pictured for myself. Yet there are so many things about him that are exactly what I’ve wanted for a really long time. Talk about oxymoron, eh?

And with that, comes the roller coaster of emotions attached to long periods apart, where I have been finding myself working quite a bit, paired with snippets of time together with less work and a lot of going out with friends, going on vacations, and having fun.

So here’s where my five years of life coaching comes in... I can spot self-sabotage and "numbing out" strategies a mile away. Even in myself.

I’m super aware that when I have these times of “play” I find myself leaning hard into the “escape from stress.”

It’s fun to enjoy a cocktail or glass of wine and feel the buzz. It’s fun to toast with friends or share the “experience” of a bottle of wine together. It’s fun to have a several course meal and pair different types of alcohol with each course.

On top of that, I am somewhat of a fast drinker. If it’s in front of me, I drink it. Gasp, yes, I said it. Sometimes I too forget to be mindful.

And, I know that the times when I am, are the times when I have let stress get the best of me and thus, have disconnected from myself.

Do you see how tough this is to share? I teach you about tuning in and listening to your body, and about self-care, and here I am tuning out because I am so stressed out that the minute I have “release” I forget to practice what I preach.

My goal for my life is (and has been for a long time) to wake up each and every day and be excited about what I get to do that day. Recently, that hasn’t been the case.

There has been some fear and — on days when I wake up with a hangover because I’ve had too much alcohol and not enough water the night prior — shame.

Yes, the shame monster rises up for me too.

“You should know better.”

“Have some self-control.”

"How old are you?"

I’m being so super honest here. These are the thoughts that pop up.

And then, I coach myself.

I remember that alcohol is not the problem.

It’s the lack of self-care and stress-management at all other times in my life that IS the issue.

The answer is not to focus on restricting alcohol (that’s what I would’ve done in the past).

The answer is to focus on adding more intention, fun, and peace. More scheduled-in time for meditation, journaling, visioning, bubble baths, rollerblading on the beach path, shopping with girl friends, movie dates with my mom, and so on.

Remembering this makes me smile because I know that the solution to this “big” problem is a lot easier than it sometimes feels. I remind myself that I am doing the best I can and right now, this is me learning exactly how to become the woman capable of living the life I want to live.

My greatest desire is to thrive and have a JOY-filled life. I want to be able to experience it all — food, travel, freedom, happiness, bliss, open-hearted love, and every high vibe emotion I can think of, on a regular basis.

I don’t want to contract and hide away out of fear. I want to use this challenge as an opportunity to expand and become a bigger, stronger, more intentioned woman!

So how can I expect to learn how to be that woman that can literally “have it all” without a few lessons along the way?

How could I ever expect perfection in myself if I literally teach my clients that no human being is perfect?

Silly girl.

And that's when it all comes back into perspective...

I am exactly where I am supposed to be, learning exactly what I need to learn in order to have the BIG, BOLD, adventurous life I envision for myself.

I want to be able to travel and eat and drink intuitively in any environment — especially in a “vacation” type environment — on a regular basis, so of course I need to learn how to tune into my body even when I am in a continual state of celebratory mode.

Of course I am going to crave release right now. Shit’s been tough! Divorce is not easy. Change is tough. Long-distance relationships are freaking tough.

Of course old "protection/numbing out" behaviors might pop up in new ways when I face big life challenges. But thank God I have the awareness and the tools to be able to handle them well and re-balance myself this time. (Again, just like I tell my clients when they face bumps in the road.)

Having 5-6 drinks over the course of a long night with friends, enjoying each other’s company, laughing, and being silly is not inherently wrong or bad. The shift for me is to make these decisions more consciously. To hydrate more. And to not use alcohol to feel a certain way. I want to feel good and JOY-filled first and then enjoy the drinks just because it’s fun and in an amount that allows me to feel amazing still the next day.

So that’s the scoop. I’m not perfect. But I hope I never gave you the impression that I was.

You are not a failure if you haven't figured it all out yet. It's okay to be a work in progress. I am too...

When I take a 30,000 foot view of all of these challenges, I can see that it’s all perfect because it’s all leading me in the direction of what is actually going to be the most meaningful and satisfying for me anyway.

I have big desires and am very clear on what I want. I just have to practice what I preach on giving myself permission to travel the path to get there.

Send me a note on Facebook and let me know if this was helpful. I can share more real-time challenges and how I coach myself back into alignment when “shit gets tough” if you’d like. Posting this level of transparency was super tough, but my intention is to support you in every way that I can. I’d love to hear your feedback.



ROCK Your Dream Body "Immersion" Group Coaching Open Enrollment

Next week I’m opening the doors for enrollment for the next round of the group coaching version of ROCK Your Dream Body “Immersion” starting in June 2015.

If this program and my style, feels like a fit for you. I’d love to have you apply.

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